What was I thinking!?!?!?

Josh is so stupid. So in math class my teacher did a problem on the board and she did it differently than I did so I said "oops! I didn't do it that way, but I got the same answer!" and Josh went "she did it the MADISON way!" and that was so retarded of him to say. Everyone looked at me like 'he likes you, but he's stupid. Don't affiliate with him' or maybe just 'that was dumb, and I'm sorry you had to experience it first hand.' but since I'm on the soccer team for my school and it's a co-Ed team I get to be with the highschoolers, and there's this one hischooler named Derek. And he's so hot! I'll tell you about my experiences with him next time! Bye! (p.s. I am so late because my iPod was taken away and it's the only way I can blog)

I give up...

I give up on trying to post when I should, I'll post when I get to it; but anyway, camp was super amazing! It was seriously mad ish. <-- not my usual grammar... I swear. I'm going to tell you my schedule:
1st period: horsemanship
2nd: photography
3rd: archery
4th: bible
5th: ZIP-LINING!
Now for their descriptions:
1: horsemanship was about learning to care for the horses, "train" them (for them to know if they can trust you) and on the last day we took a trail in the woods (which was surprisingly terrifying!) and my horse (Eyore) was the only horse that couldn't poop while trotting which sucks because I was always being left behind. :\
2: photography was really about taking pictures and giving the SD card to the instructor to burn it on a disc to give to our parents when they took us home. I was the only girl in that class so at sometimes it was awkward but the guys were really nice except for Tyler... He swore a CRAP LOAD and he climbed out of the window just because he didn't want to be in that class. I met this boy named Caleb and I know what your thinking... "what!? Who is this CALEB person? You can only talk about Peter!" well I'm sorry but Peter and I have just all of a sudden stopped texting after I think... Camp? No... Let me REALLY think. AHA! my dad canceled my phone service and that's what "broke us up" it's all his fault! So back to caleb, yeah he's really cute and he's a year older than me, we started texting immediately after I got home from camp and after a while of texting he told me that he loved me. I thought that was way too soon because I'm that kind of girl who needs to be your BEST friend before you say anything even remotely close to that, so I kinda freaked out and panicked and stop texting, him so I haven't texted him in more than a month.
3: my favorite instructor<3 Iesha is her name and we go to the same church, she's kinda crazy but I love her for it<3
4: so darn awkward... I told a girl that I was glad she would die... Basically... I'll explain... Well the pastor was making an example of how to not act (in a discriminating way) she said what if all the (idkherlastname's) died? Me: "thank goodness!" me: *realization of what I just said* 0_0 "I'm so sorry! You're so amazing and nice that's not what I meant to say! Omggggg! I'm soooooooooooo sorry! I didn't mean to say that I promise! Youresoamazingandeveryonelovesyouwillyoueverforgiveme!?!?!?!?!?!? Etc. I felt like a TOTAL DICK. and everyone just STARED. I couldn't blame them if someone said that about someone else I would stare in disbelief too! And the most popular girl in camp was there! :(
5: amazingest period ever! Technically the course is rock wall climbing AND zip-lining but whatevs. It was so amazing being up in the trees! It isn't really zip-lining technically... It's a challenge course that is connected to the rock wall and there are elements in between the zip-lines (elements are basically REALLY shaky bridges) and it was super fun I saw this kid there from last year who is a BEAST at rock wall climbing and I think he likes me? But idk... We had a great conversation and turns out he's dyslexic! I did not know that about him!
And lastly... My cabin!: I LOVED all of the girls who were in my cabin they were so amazing and I adored all of them<3 there was this one girl in particular that I think was the bestest friend a girl could ever have, OLIVIA. I swear we are like one soul, two bodies. I love her to death! And I'm saving her a spot in my cabin for next year no doubt! I hope this made up for my long absentees. Sorry, ;( i missed you guys! Oh! And don't forget to recommend makeup! Still waiting! It's only a few clicks and some typing away! It would mean the world to me! Thanks again! <3

Wow... I'm a bad person.

From my title you can tell that, I'm well... a VERY bad person. It's been like what? 2 months since my last post which wasn't exciting at all! I guess I just haven't been posting because I haven't been getting any feedback but I can't blame you guys at all because my posts aren't interesting! But now my life is so boring because I'm out of school (woot!) and no more finals! But I finished my year with an average of A's which is terrific! I'm such a nerd... But I haven't seen Peter in what, 2 weeks? Crazy right? And that also means my friends (except for Sandra) a lot has changed in the past two months, like Sandra and I made up, no school (no Allie!) Emily and I are probably better friends than I was with Samantha (it took me along time to stop being so jealous and self-conscious around her and to stop judging her but when I put all of that aside she is really an amazing friend and person and I'm so glad to be her friend, not to mention how ashamed I am for saying that about her when I didn't even know her!) and I'm going to camp next week for a week. Also the fact that I was talking to Sandra last month and she told me that she didn't want to hang out with Tanisha because she is too clingy and invites herself over to places, I feel bad for Tanisha, like I should tell her but I don't want to hurt her feelings or get into another fight with Sandra (wait... We never did get into a fight, just the cold shoulder.) but lately I feel like I've just been becoming a better person while others are not. I told sandra a while back that i liked Peter and a couple of other girls but the other girls never really cared, but I feel like ever since I told Sandra that I liked him she started flirting with him WAY more than she had ever done, I personally don't know if she has found the realization that she likes him too, is trying to protect me from my feelings getting hurt from him, kinda like a big sister (I know I've done that for her before when I felt that the boy wasn't a good enough person for her) or another reason. I need to talk to her on Friday because most of the time Peter doesn't come on Fridays but lately he has. WAIT! MAYBE HE LIKES HER AND HE'S JUST USING ME TO GET TO KNOW HER BETTER! he has moobs anyways... >^< not trying to rank on him or anything, it's just that I tend to put others down when I feel threatened, which is NOT good because that's what bullies do. :( anyway, this has gotten WAY too long so goodnight and sorry this is SO late, I just haven't been getting a lot of feedback. Goodnight! <3

Could this be more?

Exactly a week ago I was feeling SUPER down and none of my "friends" cared. This was at my church and I don't know that many people there, but I know all of the kids my age, just not that well. But that one day I really felt like running away, thankfully this boy named Peter tried to cheer me up, (and his friend, but his friend didn't really care) he followed me to make sure when he left I was happy, and he hugged me and asked me if I was okay. I said sorta, but I felt better because no guy just HUGS you if he doesn't like you unless they have rabies because when you have rabies your really friendly... Well at least guys don't do that to me! And then we sat next to each other for the rest of the day and today I didn't even get to talk to him! But I texted him and he seemed kinda sad that we didn't talk. I really don't know at this point and I'm not gonna be all like OMG I THINK HE LIKES ME! BETTER TELL EVERYONE I KNOW! I NEED TO START PLANNING THE WEDDING! but I am interested... ;)

Betrayal. Such a hard state to be in.

I hate my life. Honestly nothing has been getting better. I only feel comfortable here (on blogger) I can't even tell my "friends" how I feel, because NO ONE LISTENS TO ME. I'll explain:
So I've had this friend named Sandra. We've been friends forever since I was 6, until a couple months ago. We were legit, the BEST of friends. And we kept that relationship until Isaiah came along. We maintained the relationship but I felt like I had to work harder to, and I was sacrificing the things that I wanted to do the most. Years went by and I just felt like a third wheel, like the last wheel of your training wheels and it just makes you feel wobbly. And recently a girl named Tanisha became a VERY useful third wheel, like the good kind. (this is a tricycle were talking about) I go to school with Isaiah (and church) and I see Tanisha and Sandra at church, but I don't want to go anymore because they make my life miserable. Especially Sandra, she makes me feel so bad and ugly and just plain old UNWANTED. Sandra is beautiful. She makes any girl around her jealous. She is 5'5, long brown hair, hazel eyes, tan, size c bra, and super flirty/charming. Now that I think about it, I think people only talked to me because they knew I was her friend, they only knew my name because she yelled my name in the hallways, I became a part of her, and when I let go, no one recognized. I disappeared just as well as I blended in. And now I want to become someone else. ME.