Wow... I'm a bad person.

From my title you can tell that, I'm well... a VERY bad person. It's been like what? 2 months since my last post which wasn't exciting at all! I guess I just haven't been posting because I haven't been getting any feedback but I can't blame you guys at all because my posts aren't interesting! But now my life is so boring because I'm out of school (woot!) and no more finals! But I finished my year with an average of A's which is terrific! I'm such a nerd... But I haven't seen Peter in what, 2 weeks? Crazy right? And that also means my friends (except for Sandra) a lot has changed in the past two months, like Sandra and I made up, no school (no Allie!) Emily and I are probably better friends than I was with Samantha (it took me along time to stop being so jealous and self-conscious around her and to stop judging her but when I put all of that aside she is really an amazing friend and person and I'm so glad to be her friend, not to mention how ashamed I am for saying that about her when I didn't even know her!) and I'm going to camp next week for a week. Also the fact that I was talking to Sandra last month and she told me that she didn't want to hang out with Tanisha because she is too clingy and invites herself over to places, I feel bad for Tanisha, like I should tell her but I don't want to hurt her feelings or get into another fight with Sandra (wait... We never did get into a fight, just the cold shoulder.) but lately I feel like I've just been becoming a better person while others are not. I told sandra a while back that i liked Peter and a couple of other girls but the other girls never really cared, but I feel like ever since I told Sandra that I liked him she started flirting with him WAY more than she had ever done, I personally don't know if she has found the realization that she likes him too, is trying to protect me from my feelings getting hurt from him, kinda like a big sister (I know I've done that for her before when I felt that the boy wasn't a good enough person for her) or another reason. I need to talk to her on Friday because most of the time Peter doesn't come on Fridays but lately he has. WAIT! MAYBE HE LIKES HER AND HE'S JUST USING ME TO GET TO KNOW HER BETTER! he has moobs anyways... >^< not trying to rank on him or anything, it's just that I tend to put others down when I feel threatened, which is NOT good because that's what bullies do. :( anyway, this has gotten WAY too long so goodnight and sorry this is SO late, I just haven't been getting a lot of feedback. Goodnight! <3

Could this be more?

Exactly a week ago I was feeling SUPER down and none of my "friends" cared. This was at my church and I don't know that many people there, but I know all of the kids my age, just not that well. But that one day I really felt like running away, thankfully this boy named Peter tried to cheer me up, (and his friend, but his friend didn't really care) he followed me to make sure when he left I was happy, and he hugged me and asked me if I was okay. I said sorta, but I felt better because no guy just HUGS you if he doesn't like you unless they have rabies because when you have rabies your really friendly... Well at least guys don't do that to me! And then we sat next to each other for the rest of the day and today I didn't even get to talk to him! But I texted him and he seemed kinda sad that we didn't talk. I really don't know at this point and I'm not gonna be all like OMG I THINK HE LIKES ME! BETTER TELL EVERYONE I KNOW! I NEED TO START PLANNING THE WEDDING! but I am interested... ;)

Betrayal. Such a hard state to be in.

I hate my life. Honestly nothing has been getting better. I only feel comfortable here (on blogger) I can't even tell my "friends" how I feel, because NO ONE LISTENS TO ME. I'll explain:
So I've had this friend named Sandra. We've been friends forever since I was 6, until a couple months ago. We were legit, the BEST of friends. And we kept that relationship until Isaiah came along. We maintained the relationship but I felt like I had to work harder to, and I was sacrificing the things that I wanted to do the most. Years went by and I just felt like a third wheel, like the last wheel of your training wheels and it just makes you feel wobbly. And recently a girl named Tanisha became a VERY useful third wheel, like the good kind. (this is a tricycle were talking about) I go to school with Isaiah (and church) and I see Tanisha and Sandra at church, but I don't want to go anymore because they make my life miserable. Especially Sandra, she makes me feel so bad and ugly and just plain old UNWANTED. Sandra is beautiful. She makes any girl around her jealous. She is 5'5, long brown hair, hazel eyes, tan, size c bra, and super flirty/charming. Now that I think about it, I think people only talked to me because they knew I was her friend, they only knew my name because she yelled my name in the hallways, I became a part of her, and when I let go, no one recognized. I disappeared just as well as I blended in. And now I want to become someone else. ME.